Hello. We're The Beards. And we're fat.

Over the past several years, we have spent our time in what many people term "marital bliss," although that may have a relatively subjective interpretation to it. My wife tells me that a sign of a healthy relationship is the accumulation of what she fondly describes as "love-chub"--the relative expansion of fatty tissue around your waist, thighs, and other unbecoming parts of your body.

In other words-- we got married. Then we got fat. (Hi, Teapot here!)

Look at that happy couple. Look at those chiseled, single-chinned jawlines. Look at those bingo-wingless arms. Look at those taut tummies and the way that back just glides, not rolls, under that low-backed lace dress.

*Sigh* That was us... once upon a time.

Now some people might look at our wedding pictures and think I still needed to loose a good 10 or 15 lbs... but trust me--on our wedding day, I was skinny... for me.

See, I'm that girl. The girl who has always been a little chubby. Or a lot chubby. Or just fat. I'm the girl who has tried every diet on Pinterest. I'm the girl who has always wavered between being the most dedicated person to ever buy a juicer, to baking a loaf of chocolate-chip- banana bread for her co-wokers and then eating 3/4 of the thing before the next morning (true story).

But for a brief, golden year... I ate well. I ran daily. I lifted weights. I lost 35 lbs. I got married. I felt beautiful. Well, I felt okay-ish about my body for the first time in my life. And I swore that I wouldn't be the person who "let themselves go" after they walked down the aisle (this is the part where I laugh silently to myself to keep from crying).

I can even pin-point the exact moment I started to regain the weight. Wanna see?

There. Right there. Aren't I just the picture of matrimonial elegance?

Somewhere along the line, I dragged my husband into my world of Friday night ice-cream binges, too.

This on-and-off again dieting has been quite the Tempest (drum-roll please.) However, we've finally reached a tipping point: we're older, less active--sometimes it happens, and so does getting fat. We've reached a tipping point (no pun intended) where the weight gain has to stop. So we've decided to start a new diet and exercise regime TODAY. Although it may seem ambitious, in the words of our over-sized stomachs--go big or go home.

Recently, (over the past year) my cousin, through regular exercise (not kill yourself hero stuff), and a steady diet of fruits, vegetables, water, and lean meats has lost over seventy-five pounds. Seventy-five pounds.

Our goal: we don't know. At least, not from a numbers stand-point. Since I've been a member of the "5 more lbs!" club my entire adult life, I believe that the scale is a dirty, rotten, liar. So ours is going away! Instead, we are focusing on measurements and general feel-good-ness.

Luckily, since I have tried every diet on the face of the planet, I do know what I feel best on (and since I'm the cook in our house, it's what my hubby will be stuck with, too). We are going to take a low-carb approach to our health.

On the menu:

Meats (focus on whole cuts, limit the processed stuff)

Vegetables (unlimited!! ...yay.)

Limited dairy (because... cheese)

Limited fruits

Nuts

Healthy oils

"Are we giving up wine?" I just looked over and asked the hubs.

"Well, it's sugar, so... but, I mean... no."

Then we laughed and laughed and laughed.