The Impact of the Metaphorical Construction of A Grief Observed.

We all know C.S. Lewis was a genius, but we forget that while he wrote with such intellectual and cerebral force, that much of the emotional impact of what he wrote somehow plays second fiddle to the former. Although I know his writing has a lot of feeling in it, causing me to reflect and be moved in one way or another, I am still occasionally caught off guard by the emotional impact that some of his work can have. The same can be said for his 1961 book, A Grief Observed. Although we've all dealt with the loss of a loved one, Lewis offers insight into his personal experience with it, and here are a few takeaways from the text.

The book was written in an allegorical structure which parallels the fours stages of grief. I caught onto this allegory very early on and I'll explain how it was achieved. By traditional psychological standards, there are four stages of grief: denial anger, bargaining, and acceptance. Coincidentally, the book has only four chapters which parallels Lewis's journey about six months (and maybe a little more) beyond the death of his wife, Helen Joy Davidman. Therefore, he divides these chapters telling about the subsequent events. Anger is the primary theme of chapter one, which is strange to see in Lewis because of his seemingly kind and thoughtful nature. Not that thoughtful individuals can not also be angry, it seems like such a juxtaposition to see it in Lewis's writing. He opines that he didn't "realize that grief felt so like fear" (Lewis 3). Naturally, we can easily make the small step to correctly infer that fear here is synonymous with denial and anger. When afraid, our first response is usually self-preservation, but from an intellectual standpoint, the first is rationalization. Understanding whether the present thing that is causing the fear is dangerous or not, or whether it is truly a reality, or simply a way our mind has processed an event and decided to respond with in order for own self-preservation. Generally, in order to preserve ourselves, we have a propensity to deny that the event we are protecting ourselves from has happened or is happening. In Lewis's sense, his denial was formed on the basis of denying or rejecting his understanding of God based upon the pain that Helen's death caused him. In other words, his denial phase had less to do with Joy being physically gone, and more to do with believing God would allow this to happen, and he subsequently denied the fact that God would do that to him (and her). He asks, "So, is this what God's really like? Deceive yourself no longer" (Lewis 7). To that end, Lewis's struggle with his own grief had more to do with his faithfulness to God, and less to do (although it was a significant contributor to the grief) with the loss of Helen. His fear then was not only being physically alone by losing Helen, but spiritually by God because he had allowed this to happen.

Furthermore, after accepting the loss, Lewis parallels the fatigue/depression he faces with "getting on with his life." And although he looked for consolation in his Christian faith, he for a long time found none, and this consequently, made him very angry. This claim is supported by his observations in chapter two, "Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you do not understand" (Lewis 25). The anger phase is quite present here. If we can logically infer that when we lose a loved one we pray for the loved one's peace, it can also be logically inferred that we may also pray for ourselves, the bereaved, but praying does not replace the immediate physical manifestation of the loss. The loved one's body is dead, they are buried; they physically disappear in a literal sense. In regards to this reality, Lewis is illustrating that he is unsure of how to respond spiritually and physically to her death, and the impotence of the situation elicits a response of despair: anger. I can readily identify this as anger from experiences in my own life when I feel I have tried to manage a situation that is unmanageable. A sense of loss of control pervades my mind and a physical display of anger is the most logical response--an attempt to regain control of a situation that we have no control over.

Chapter three goes on to chronicle the third phase of his grief: bargaining. Lewis reflects on his feelings, and that perhaps if he felt more sorrow for others despair, it would have helped him be a better advocate in prayer for God not to take Helen. "If I had really cared, like I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came" (Lewis 37). This may not seem like bargaining, but what I hear in this from reading the rest of the book, is that Lewis feels that if he were more kind and compassionate, and in his own mind, a better person, this would not have happened. In other words, if I be good, (or better) will these bad things like the death of my wife not happen? He goes to analyze his bargain later, realizing that it is a double-edged sword of brokenness that can not be remedied by prayer, and certainly not any earthly fulfillment of goodness on our part: "Is this last note a sign that I'm incurable, that when reality smashes my dreams to bits, I mope and snarl while the first shock lasts, then patiently, idiotically, start putting it back together again? And so always? however often the house of cards falls, shall I set about rebuilding it? Is that what I'm doing now" (38)? I think the important to note here is that this observation of his is the first sign of him moving to the fourth stage, acceptance.

I could go on more, but the rest of the book--largely anecdotes from his personal life would be more effective if they were read and considered on an individual basis. The anecdotes serve to dive a little deeper into more specific circumstances surrounding grief, and it would be short-sighted of to me assume that one is more important than the other, or that one would be more effective at processing grief than the other, and that brings me to a more poignant understanding that Lewis is trying to convey: every circumstance that people grieve is different, and the process of identifying, accepting, and responding to grief will be a little different. but, Lewis leaves us with something optimistic about the direction that grief should lead us: "For me, at any rate, the programme is plain: I will turn to her as often as possible in gladness. I will even salute her with a laugh. The less I mourn her, the nearer I seem to her (56). The argument that Lewis comes to hear is two-fold: grief is a process that takes time, and that eventually, if acknowledged and addressed through your faith in God, you come to the place that you realize that even in the death of a loved one, God is bringing you closer to Him.

Lewis, C.S.. A Grief Observed, 1961. Harper-Collins, 1994.